Torn
by Sabaku no Zak
Summary: Kouta, Yuka, and Lucy are lost in their feelings. While Kouta deals with his feelings for Lucy, and Lucy deals with her fear of being hated, Yuka will try to learn to let go of Kouta...but it's rarely that simple. rated M for later chapters
1. Kouta 1

Torn

Chapter 1- Kouta 1

_'How much time has passed?'_ I wondered to myself as I sat in the lecture hall barely hearing the professor or the quiet murmur of Yuka next to me, trying to decide what to make for dinner. Was it a week? Two weeks? _'How long has she been gone?' _It seemed like all but an eternity, like the entire thing was nothing more than a nightmare…nevertheless I couldn't bring myself to think of it that way…it was more like _'She'_ had woken me up and for a short time we had lived in a dream together like the nightmare had never happened. However, it had been real… all of it and just as she had been the catalyst of my peaceful dream, she had also been the cause of my nightmare.

I could still remember how torn I was the last night I saw her, how sweet her scent had been and how disgusting it was that she should smell so sweet. How her lips felt and tasted that made me want to beg for them to never leave my own and why I hated myself for it. How perfectly she felt against my body that I didn't want to let her go, when I could think of nothing but pushing her away. How beautiful she was when there should have been nothing but hideousness. Even now I was torn in two…everyday without her seemed blank and dull, and at the same time dragging on at the thought that she might return. But I couldn't be sure, were the days longer because I wanted her to be back, or was I afraid she'd come back…

"Earth to Kouta, hello…the lecture's over, we can go home now." I was only now aware that Yuka and I were the last ones left in the room. I looked at my blank notebook, a bit dejectedly, though Yuka would be happy to loan her notes. "What's gotten into lately? You're always so spaced out."

"It's nothing, just haven't been feeling too well." I half-lied, and there was no doubt in my mind she knew that. I gathered my books and left the school with Yuka silently.

"You really miss her don't you?" She finally spoke up when we were about halfway home.

"…Yeah…" again another half-lie…How could you not miss someone you loved, and at the same time how could you miss someone you hated, torn as always. I guessed there was no real answer I could give. It was the first time the subject came up since 'She' left. We walked the rest of the way home in silence.

Mayu and Nana were home to greet us, Nana had begun school with Mayu though with only two weeks left until summer vacation, she had been somewhat overwhelmed, but Mayu was always happy to help. The three of them all began getting things ready for dinner, I decided to wait in the dinning room, and I still wanted to piece together my emotions, a feat that seemed like trying to push a mountain back into the earth.

I opened the music box I had bought all those years ago and began winding the key. Lilium began playing…it seemed to play the notes that corresponded with every emotion I was feeling. I remembered how Yuka and Kanae had bugged me to buy a music box with a happier song, but I could not pull myself away from this one. I took the light pink shell gently from its resting place inside the music box. The pieces of the shell Kanae had given me were still in there as well, but I chose the one Nyuu had given me. I went back into my memories before having met Nyuu, to the girl I met in the woods, who had horns and was so lonely looking. I had fallen in love with that lonely little girl, whom I only knew as Nyuu, but she was not Nyuu when we met. I do not know much about psychology but it was easy to see now that Nyuu had multiple personalities. There was the lonely girl I met in the woods, there was innocent, kind, and happy Nyuu, and then there was the girl who killed Kanae and my father.

I could hardly think of them all as one being. I LOVED the little girl I met in the woods who was so excitable and mysterious, and I most certainly LOVED Nyuu, so happy and affectionate, but I HATED that girl who put me through so much pain, having to watch my family die and not be able to stop it from happening.

Yuka came into the room to set the table, she saw me running my thumb lightly over the shell in my hand feeling every little ridge on the top and the smoothness of the bottom. "What are you doing Kouta? Is everything all right?" I'm sure she knew the answer to that as well as what I would answer despite the truth.

"Nothing," I said as I placed the shell back into the music box but left it open to listen to the rest of Lilium. "I'm ok, just thinking. You realize you put out an extra bowl." I said as I watched her set the table.

"OH, I know, I just thought it would be nice to imagine if she were here with us." She replied with an apologetic look in her eye.

"Yeah…" I said half-heartedly. Things between Yuka and me had dropped off, as if nothing had ever happened, I could not tell why though. I loved Yuka, but not in the way that I loved Nyuu…after my last parting with her, it seemed like the part of my heart that carried my love went with her, and when I returned that night I could only ever see Yuka as my cousin…perhaps she knew that.

Mayu and Nana brought in dinner and we all sat around the table to enjoy our meal, soba noodles. "Mmm GOOD!" Nana exclaimed, "so good…so many good things." By this time tears were running down her face, I could see that they were tears of both sadness and joy.

"Nana? What's wrong?" Mayu asked.

Nana quickly recovered from her reverie "Oh, nothing. Let's eat!" She smiled brightly giving me the brief image of Nyuu.

We were almost done with our meal when Wanta began barking. "Hmm that's strange, I wonder if someone is at the gate," said Yuka.

I stood to bring the feeling back to my legs. "I'll go check. I opened the front door and could see the silhouette of someone standing just behind the gate, Wanta barking excitedly at them. I took two steps out the door, and then Lilium stopped and almost simultaneously, the clock Nyuu loved so much chimed. I turned my head in surprise. "It's working?" I looked for a moment at the open front door and then my heart felt like it had stopped, was it '_her'_ at the gate? I turned around, the silhouette was gone, I ran to the gate throwing it open and rushing into the street scanning frantically in all directions…

No one.


	2. Yuka 1

Torn

Chapter 2- Yuka 1

It had only been four days since Nyuu had disappeared, so then why did it seem like so much longer whenever I looked at Kouta? It wasn't just in how he looked, it was in how he moved, how he spoke, and how he reacted, or lack there of. Like he wasn't seeing the passing of time like those around him. It's killing me, because I can't picture him looking like that for me, and so my suspicions from the beginning were true…Kouta was in love with Nyuu.

A part of me had known that for a while, but I still wanted to think Kouta could be mine…that he would love me, miss me in a way that made it seem like an eternity since he last saw me, even if I had only gone out for a day. I tried getting him to talk on our way home, but he was as quiet as usual, especially when it came to Nyuu.

During dinner he had gone to see if someone was at the gate, but said nothing when I asked him who was there, and went straight to his room. So now here I sit in my own room, in the dark, with nothing but the tears running down my face. I hate it, _ALL_ of it. If he could just love me then he could be happy…I am here for him, I want to always be here for him…but he needs her…not me. The sadness turns to anger as I think about the girl with horns who seems so much more a demon than a girl. Sure she acts innocent enough, not being able to say much, but then there are the times when she speaks as if she were a completely different person…she's nothing more than a succubus, here to take Kouta. I stop myself at that thought, stunned for even having it. How could I think that at all…but it still lingered…I wanted to see my hands around her neck and watch as she died. Then Kouta would be mine!

I shook my head violently flinging the tears off my face_. 'NO NO NO, What's wrong with me?!'_ I think as a new wave of tears flee from my eyes. I'm the monster…I could never do something like that. 'You have two hands don't you?'…Was that my own thought? I stop and listen, how could that have been my own thought, I would never hurt Nyuu. _'But you want to!'_ I gasp at this thought that couldn't possibly be my own, I cover my ears as if to drown it out. _'HAHAHA what are you doing?'_ "No…no I won't listen." I say barely above a whisper. The laughter in my head gets louder_. 'Quit trying to fool yourself, it's so simple. Kouta will come to you, in time he'll love you, but if that bitch comes back, you lose! All you have to do is take. Her. Out.'_ Each thought that isn't my own, becomes like music to my ears…have Kouta all to myself?…NO, NO, NO, not like that. How could I even think that?…But I had.

I lay on my futon not thinking anymore until my eyes close and I drift into sleep, my sleep turning into my dream. A dream where it's just me and Kouta…together…and alone. No Mayu. No Nana. And no Nyuu. Together like lovers should be, he loves me and I love him…I want my dream to come true…I will MAKE my dream come true.

_Short, I know. But I hope you enjoyed it, Yuka's not exactly my favorite person to write as so her chapters will generally be short and to the point._


	3. Lucy 1

Torn

Chapter 3- Lucy 1

Blue…an endless expanse of blue spread out above me. I can hear the gentle caress of waves against the sandy beach beneath me. I'm not dead…but I should be. I can feel some of the wounds…one just below my left lung and another through my right shoulder. My head is pounding, I don't need to move to tell my other horn is broken. So much pain I can barely stand it, but it's not the wounds…it's Kouta. Am I going to die here? After all that's happened, why am I afraid now of all times. I left Kouta to die, unafraid, now on the verge of my last moments of life…I'm terrified. I can feel my heart beats getting painfully slower, it's causing me to feel so sleepy. I don't feel the pain of my wounds anymore, even as the waves push their salty tongues into them.

A shadow passes over my face, no possibility that it's a cloud. I feel a cool pressure against my forehead. I have no strength lift my face to see who is there, nor do I need to. I am going to die here and now. I close my eyes and wait for the end, tiredness taking over, all the better. Sounds are dimming, the dim red of the inside of my eyelids dimming into black…I'm so tired. _'Goodbye Kouta' _I think to myself, trying to speak it out loud just to hear his name, but I can't tell if my lips are even moving.

"Ah damn it all!" a gruff voice calls…I don't hear…I don't feel…just nothingness. I fall willingly into it, as if it were Kouta's open arms…irresistible.

It's hot, not burning, but hot. The heat flowing over my right side. I can see red all around…there is still an awful pain in my temple. Am I really dead? I try to open my eyes, they open effortlessly. I see the sky, black and filled with stars, a flickering light on the edge of my vision. I can feel my arms, one resting on my chest, held in place by something, my other resting free beside me. I hear the sound of the flame burning not far from me. I use my free arm to try to turn my body towards the fire. I was still alive. I could feel my eyes beginning to water, I tried to blink back the tears, only to have them spill forward instead. I was happy that I was alive. I twisted and struggled with the pain to sit up.

My shoulder was bandaged as was my torso, my arm held in place by a crude sling. I could feel the bandage around my head, which ached with more pain than the rest of my body. I couldn't believe it…I was alive. I could see Kouta, I could leave all the killing and death behind me and go be with Kouta. There was a click, and I turned to face the sound.

"Glad to see you finally came around, bitch." My heart sank into my stomach. I could only sit and stare, all feeling gone again, unable to move, speak, or even breath. All hope I had just gained, lost all inside of a minute. Bandou's gun was still pointed at my head, four meters away, on the opposite side of the fire, waiting to see any move I might make. He was being quite clever, there was enough smoke around us that if I used my vectors in the slightest way he would be able to catch their movement. There was nothing around me that I could throw, another one of he's preparations over the past month. Kept alive only to have to die.

I slowly laid back down turning away from the fire, allowing the fire to warm my back. Perhaps it was better that I die, Kouta couldn't stand it if I hurt anyone else…even this killer. I can't fight anymore, not it if would make Kouta hate me, I could die happy knowing Kouta loved me. I could hear his sound of disgust, and his mutters of weakness and not being any sport.

I could hear him cautiously stepping towards me, the sounds rough against the sand. He was right behind me now, I did nothing while the voice in my head screamed for his blood…but I would not have it…I would not kill, for Kouta's sake. He grabbed a handful of hair and lifted me slightly off the ground, pressing his gun to the side of my head. It would be my sweet release from all this pain.

"Look here bitch, I came here for a fight, if you're not going to give it to me, you will die!" I didn't answer his threat or move against his grip. He pressed his gun harder into the side of my head causing me to cringe in pain. "Come on now, whore, I know there's more fight in you than this! Perhaps if I go find that boy…" That did it. I slapped the gun away from my face, facing him with murderous intent. He had to know how easy it would have been to just have killed him right then and there, but he stood there still with an excited look in his eyes. "Oh, hit a nerve did I? Well you don't have to worry, I'll leave him out of this." I felt my face relax almost instantly. "I suppose that's the third time you've let me live, eh? It's hard to tell who the bad guy here is. I want to kill you, I want to see your blood left on the beach like you left mine, but it doesn't look like I'm gonna have the fun I wanted to have with it." He started backing away and when he was just out of range of my vectors turned his back on me as he returned to his previous location, across the fire.

"If you're going to kill me, why don't you just do it?" I asked, not truly caring what the answer was, just trying to keep from getting my hopes too high. I would die, I needed to accept that. If I was never going to see Kouta again, I would rather he just get it over with.

He stood, facing me again from the other side of the flame, the gun no longer aimed at me. "Because, you're no fucking fun anymore. I can tell you'd rather just die now, and even if I came after you later you would still just let me kill you. I gathered as much when I watched you give yourself that piss poor army they had gathered to go after you. I thought for sure that it was a ruse, but lo and behold, you barely bothered to protect yourself. Fucking cowards gloated the entire time, as if they stood a chance if you had been trying. No, I kept you alive for a reason, I want to know where I can find the people you escaped from, because next to you, they're the ones responsible for this!" He held up his cybernetic arm and raised it to his eyes as well. "Also I figure since I know that there's at least two of you, I'm hoping there are more! I even hear that because of you, my own children will be Diclonius like you! Though I can't say I ever planned on kids anyway. So what do you say? I let you live in trade for info on where I can find the assholes that let you loose."

I could feel my eyes widen in surprise. I could live!? I could see Kouta!? He would leave me alone, and I could go back to the Kaede House!? I stared at him looking for any hint that he may be trying to deceive me, but I only saw impatience. "A man named Kakuzawa runs the facility on the volcanic island just off the coast. I know there are more Diclonius there, but I couldn't tell you how many. It is heavily guarded, chances…"

"Ok stop, that's all I needed to know, I don't care how guarded it is, I'm gonna make those fuckers pay. I'm letting you go now, but you better hope you never run into me again." He said as he turned away and walked out onto the beach towards the dock. Then I was all alone. The fire was now little more than hot embers, they still warmed me. I laid back down and stared back up at the starlit sky, allowing what was left of the fire warm me up.

'_Kouta, wait for me!' _I thought to myself as the last of the embers smoldered out. It was nearly dawn, I couldn't be sure how much time had passed, but I was certain it was very short even though it had felt torturously long. I needed to find a safer place to rest and then I would go back to Kaede House…

I would go home.


End file.
